I was born with no voice, just like everybody else. I cried when I was born, but I made no sound, and just like all children, I grew up being seen and not heard. I had plenty that I wanted to say, of course, but who would have listened? I wasn't voiceless by choice, I was voiceless because my voice was not yet valuable. Even if I had been able to speak, my words would have fallen on deaf ears. So I thought to myself, and I said nothing.
Then the day came for me to receive my voice, and believe me, this was the day I had looked forward to all my life. This was the day that I would become valuable- the day that I would make an impact on the people around me. I was brought to a small room with an old man, and they locked me inside.
"It is time for you to choose your voice," he said.
I would have asked him what he meant, but I could do nothing other than listen. He seemed to know that this was the case, and explained anyway.
"You may choose to speak to one, or to speak to the world. This will affect your entire life, and you will not be able to change your mind. Therefore, choose wisely, and ponder this choice deeply. Do not feel rushed to choose, for once you do, this will be your voice for the rest of your life."
I thought about the choice. I really did. But honestly, it was such an easy question. Or, to be more accurate, it was the stupidest question I'd ever heard. Who on earth would choose to talk to one person when you could talk to the whole world? Wouldn't that one be included in the world, anyway? I kept thinking about it, trying to find some trick in the question, but I couldn't. I chose to speak to the world, and I was given my voice.
It was everything I'd ever hoped for. I went on stage and spoke to hundreds. I went through crowds of people, having an impact on everyone I'd met. For everyone, I had a smile, or an anecdote, or a piece of advice or wisdom. I was making my impact on the world.
And then I met her. I found one person who I truly wanted to talk to more than anybody else I'd ever met. She was kind and intelligent and beautiful, and I had to get to know her better. My heart thumped in my chest as I went over to her. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. I couldn't say a single word. I felt a lump in my throat. Why was this? Why was it that she alone was forbidden for me to speak to? I ran away and hid myself from her. I would try again when I was in a more suitable state. I kept going back, and I kept failing, until I found myself unable to think about anything else. I had lost my smiles that I kept for every passerby, and I had lost the motivation to give out wisdom on a stage. So I locked myself away. If I kept myself from talking to anyone, maybe I would lose the voice I had been given. Maybe I would no longer be able to talk to the world, and could learn how to talk to her. I isolated myself for months, until my throat burned with words that needed to be said, but as soon as I reentered the company of others, they began asking me questions, and the answers flowed out of my mouth unbidden. I had no choice but to answer. I tried to find her as soon as I could, but it was no use. I could speak to the whole world, but I couldn't speak to the one who was the whole world to me.
So now I embrace my voice, but not as I did before. I cannot change it, no matter how hard I try. So I use it to teach those who haven't yet chosen who to be. Do not make the choice that I made. Those of us who speak to the world... Our mistakes are made in public, to show others what not to do. We seem to be in the spotlight, but we live our lives alone. Let few of you become teachers, and to those who have already chosen- who have already taken the same path as I... May you find a way to embrace it and to live with the pain that it brings.
